What is co-parentship?
Co-parentship is explained in the most simple way as two (or more) individuals sharing parenthood to one- or more children.
Co-parentship can start before the child is born by two people who want to start a family on a friendship basis. Co-parentship is more commonly known as a results after a marriage ends. In that case the (legal) co-parentship is usually forced by the relationship split.
If you do not want to start the upbringing alone, but together with someone, you can opt for co-parenting instead of a donor. A co-parent is a parent who shares the upbringing of a child in a small or large degree with another co-parent. At Future Family, at least two of the connecting co-parent parties are also the child’s biological parent. This means that you are going to have a child with the aspiring mother, father or donor you meet via Future Family. Is there a couple of two women or two men? Then you agree together which of the two will become the biological father and which woman will bear the child and is the biological mother.
In co-parenting, the child will be raised by both the mother (s) and the father (s). The co-parents do not need to have to have a romantic relationship with each other nor do they have to live in the same house. In joint coordination they share in a small or large degree the care, financial burdens and happiness in addition to raising a child..
Dividing co-parentship
This can be a 50/50 distribution, but other distributions are also possible. For example, an 90/10 or 70/30 arrangement whereby your child will only live with the father (s) during holidays and / or weekends. Again, there are of course several options; regular contact or not, and more importantly, whether or not the biological father recognizes your child. There are several advantages to co-parenting, because you can share the care (s), costs and the parent time. Co-parenting will also give your child more personalities to reflect on, two ‘families’ with different ways of living and thinking, two parents / parents with different talents and shortcomings. Your residential location can also be important. If one lives relatively close to each other in the neighborhood, the child can easily and independently commute back and forth between the houses on his own initiative. Consider also the possibility to become neighbors or the possibility to let your child (ren) live in the same house and to switch homes as parents, so that the child lives in a fixed location.
What do you wish for the child?
Of course there is someone else to consider besides yourself, your partner and the other parent (s), namely your unborn future child.
We at Future Family belief that every child world-wide should have the freedom of choice to know their biological parents (when growing up). To be able to mirror and know who he or she originates from. We don’t find it undesirable if a child can only find out who the anonymously traceable sperm donor was after the age of 16. Also check with yourself, would you find it difficult if you did not know who your biological father is during your entire childhood?
For more information, see this short movie about Fathers Day.
Make clear agreements and arrangements
It is important to get a clear picture of each other’s wishes and expectations during the introduction time. For example, feelings and situations can change with respect to each other and the child later on. It is therefore important to make realistic agreements in advance. Be prepared to sit around the table regularly and spend time adjusting the arrangements to everyone’s satisfaction. Note that you can now look at things very differently than when you are actually older and the child is in your life. Record agreements in a co-parent plan, but at the same time leave room for what everyone is going through and what is possibly best for your child. Legal professionals emphasize that parents are not supposed to derive rights from a donor plan. Many parents view the plan as a checklist and a means of aligning mutual expectations. The extent to which you record agreements in a donorship plan depends on your own feeling and understanding. When deviating from the agreements made, it is wise to adjust the plan if mutual agreed upon.
Parenting plan, donorship plan or donor contract
This is a plan or agreement between the aspiring father / donor and the aspiring mother or co-parents plus any partners. This sets out expectations and mutual agreements. The plan serves as a guide to make such arrangements. In the event of any later disagreements, the plan clearly reflects the initial situation agreed upon. However, know that these agreements are usually legally considered null and void. When appropriate, it is recommended that the plan be included in a notarial deed, as this provides compelling evidence and has added value.
When you’ve found your match we advise you to talk to and experience expert and even better a notary specialised in the topic of co-parenthsip or donorship. This person can navigate you verbally and writtenly through all chapters that should be included in the agreement.